


Always

by miloron (ocoa)



Series: Ocoa more like oh no it's Produce 101 [4]
Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, But takes place during Produce, M/M, Royalty, War, because I am a sad person, lots of AUs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-05 22:56:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11587887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ocoa/pseuds/miloron
Summary: They had always been on different sides.





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up with plot suggestions or anything at my [askFM page](https://ask.fm/bugiron) hoho

When Park Jihoon sees Kim Jonghyun on the stage, while he sat on the pyramid, he finds that his breath comes short and feels the burn of tears behind his eyes. He quickly wrenches his gaze from the sight, shaking his head when Kwon Hyup looks at him worriedly. He knows he’s lying though, because he’s never felt his heart twist in this way, never felt this wash of sadness until now.

Because he knows Kim Jonghyun, even before _this_.

Because he remembers the way his eyes show the galaxy, the way when he’s worried he would lick his lips, the way that he furrows his eyebrows when he’s about to cry. Kim Jonghyun is so familiar that Jihoon just wants to run to him and press his lips against his falling tears.

He doesn’t, though, because all the times that he remembers, he also remembers dying and seeing Jonghyun die.

 

_“Jihoon-ah, please, go.” Jonghyun smiles, and it’s so, so sad that Jihoon can’t do anything when he’s muscled out, another rat in the big house._

_The door slams, and Jihoon can’t do anything but yell at the door, trying, trying to get in when he hears the muffled yelling from inside and the crashing of glass. The door doesn’t fall, and he can only fall to his knees when he hears the silence._

_The next day, Jonghyun’s parents are in jail and Jonghyun is on the paper._

 

 

Jonghyun’s so close to him, the air is electric. Jonghyun doesn’t realise, doesn’t know. The clock starts, and Jihoon tries to focus. The unknown thing in the box slips, and Jonghyun’s hand brushes against his. Jonghyun’s hand is up, and he repeats his name aimlessly while he tries to figure out what it was.

“Ah, that was your hand, wasn’t it?”

Jihoon doesn’t answer.

Jonghyun inevitably gets it right. Jihoon just stares at the eel, which stares back at him innocently, that nosy-

He’s handed a mask. Jonghyun is still confused.

 

_Jihoon takes a deep shuddering breath, but that only makes his head spin and the blood run from his wound. Jonghyun is screaming something, but his words are muffled like the edges of his vision._

_“...ease, Ji..ie…”_

_Behind Jonghyun, Jihoon sees the unconscious form of his boss’ stalker, and the knife that stabbed him clattered to the side. Jihoon tries to smile, and knows it comes out a grimace from the way Jonghyun moves to press his tie against the wound. The ambulance isn’t coming on time, they both know, but Jihoon wished the last image he would see of Jonghyun was the bright smile that seemed to shine like the galaxies he holds in his eyes. He wishes he followed up on the invitation to the new coffee place. He wishes many things in the span of the seven minutes that he bleeds out on the floor of the alleyway._

But, _he concedes as he feels his life slipping and the strain of his body dissipating,_ at least I left protecting him.

_He goes unconscious to the image of scattered tears that twinkled in the streetlights like shooting stars, and wonders if maybe he was wearing a smile._

  


Jonghyun talks to him one day.

Well, not him specifically, but the gang he somehow manages to throw together. Jinyoung stares awestruck at Jonghyun, who’s created the perfect image of himself and wormed his way into every trainee’s heart without even meaning to. Jihoon fights the ugly feeling in his chest at the thought, and instead jokes at Daehwi’s face when Dongho is mentioned offhandedly. Samuel banters at Jonghyun, some sort of weird brothership that stemmed from when Samuel was in Pledis, even though Jihoon doesn’t understand since it wasn’t long before Jonghyun debuted that Samuel had first begun training. Not that he was jealous. Or that he researched.

His hair is ruffled by Jonghyun at some point, and he feels insane at how peaceful the action makes him. He wishes he hadn’t imagined the look in Jonghyun’s eyes, wishes he doesn’t  entertain that it seemed different from the way Jonghyun looked at the other 3.

The thought follows him through the night.

  


_Jihoon stares down at the traitor, trying not to wince at the blood that coated his face. He looks different, of course he does, they hadn’t seen each other in the past ten years._

_Ten years changes many things. The skies of their childhood was gone, instead of constellations in the sky, it was filled with clouds and flames. Or maybe it was just the war._

_Jonghyun simply stared straight at him, a small smile on his face that spoke volumes of his disappointment. At what, Jihoon can’t comprehend. Maybe it was seeing Jihoon, maybe it was being caught trying to wrap precious bandages around some North Korean scum. Either way, they’re tethering on an edge. He walks behind Jonghyun, pressing the rifle against Jonghyun’s skull. His officer is silent. He doesn’t see Jonghyun’s face now._

_He wishes Jonghyun hadn’t done it, wishes that Jonghyun wasn’t the painfully kind and sacrificing idiot he was, wishes they weren’t like this, always like this. He wishes that he doesn’t know that if Jonghyun hears his thoughts, the first thing he would say was “it’s okay.”_

_Officer Aron’s face is hard and he clears his throat._

_Jihoon jolts, before pressing his finger at the trigger._

_He can see the muscles in Jonghyun’s neck. It’s relaxed._

_Jihoon closes his eyes and his sob is covered up by the resounding shot._

  


Jonghyun is celebrating his win, and Jihoon tries to quell the pure happiness that people are recognising Jonghyun’s capabilities. He sits at the side, finally accepting that this is the best way to keep Jonghyun safe and happy. He ignores the longing in his stomach that crawls up his throat, ignores the way his body gravitates to Jonghyun like a fly to the flame. He can feel it consume him, and his fingers tingle with restlessness.

He’s so busy trying to fight off his innate need to get away from Jonghyun that he doesn’t realise that Minki is walking towards him until the Pledis trainee touches his shoulder. The short yelp he gives prompts the older to laugh, which catches everyone’s attention because Minki’s charisma is fucking terrifying. Even Jonghyun looks up from where he was shyly accepting congratulations while his eyes were hovering about 80 degrees above the floor. He hides his face by turning away, which makes Minki laugh even more.

“God you’re so whipped for Jonghyun.”

His eyes whip up, and Minki scoffs.

“What you thought no one would catch the constant glances you send to our leader?” Minki gives a smirk at the word “our” which makes his hands twitch.

“I...don’t know what you’re talking about.” He tries and promptly fails.

“Don’t lie. Even Dongho said something, which means you’re a particular brand of obvious.” Minki pats his shoulder sympathetically at Jihoon’s dismayed expression. “Jonghyun thinks you hate him for taking first.”

Immediately Jihoon tries to rebut, but Minki powers on.

“Well we told him that was stupid, since you’re so obviously simpering at him that it’s frankly ridiculous. It’s like Daehwi with Dongho, I’m embarrassed by the both of you. Just be a Seonho and be direct. The fangirls love it.”

Jihoon shakes his head. “I...can’t.”

Minki huffs.

“No, you don’t understand, hyung. Jonghyun-hyung is…” _Special._

Minki rolls his eyes. “Yeah I know, but I do want him to be happy and he’s very hung over your supposed hatred of him at the moment.” Minki fixes him with a stare, and Jihoon finds a shiver run down his spine. “And I don’t like seeing Jonghyun so unhappy again.”

Jihoon licks his lips, trying to hide his terror at the coolness of Minki’s voice. “I’ll…” His voice cracks. He clears his throat. “I’ll do something about it.”

Minki grins and Jihoon is even more terrified. “Great!”

Then he flounces off to who knows where and Jihoon is left alone with a conundrum.

  


_Jonghyun this time is the prince of a country set to have war with Jihoon’s. In the future, Jihoon would have thought it to be rather Shakespearean, and scoffs at its cliched setup._

_But in this time period, Jonghyun is a dashing prince, not the heir but one of the most pleasant of his many brothers. It’s why they send him to negotiate with Jihoon’s kingdom, to settle some sort of truce. Or some sort of marriage. He was set to be with Princess Nayoung, who was calculative. Jonghyun likens her to his second in command Minhyun._

_Jonghyun, Jihoon understands, was a symbol. A dove carrying a leaf stalk. A symbol of hope in such tension filled times._

_And Jihoon was just another anonymous person in a castle of manservants._

_They meet quite amiably, Jihoon was the one of the servants that bow as he walks past. Jonghyun probably wouldn’t remember. He doesn’t ever remember._

_Jonghyun only officially meets him in the gardens, cursing as he pulls out the roots of the incessant weeds that keep growing anywhere. The prince doesn’t help, of course not, the man doesn’t know anything about gardening._

_Somehow or another, they fall into a weird rhythm, with Jonghyun coming to the garden with Princess Nayoung, while Jihoon does his shift in the garden. He starts to get to know both Jonghyun and the Princess. Some time passes, Jonghyun starts to come without the princess._

_“War council,” he says simply, as if he had forgotten his plan to save both countries._

_Jihoon doesn’t understand, so he just smiles and nods._

_Jonghyun reads to him sometimes, teaches him how to read and write and craft stories of old kingdoms with forbidden loves. Jonghyun in turn learns about the practical side of life, like how to barter with commoners, how to quell a screaming chicken. (Jihoon tells him it works for children)_

_And they supposed it was like fate, naivete in their veins and an image of stars blur in Jihoon’s mind. It was the time before Jihoon realises that they met before._

_Jonghyun dies during him and Nayoung's wedding to poisoned drinks._

_It’s the mourning that gets Jihoon, not the resulting war._  


 

Turns out he never had to choose, since Jonghyun finds him himself.

“Jihoon-ah, are you okay?” The older seems awkward, ready to run. He doesn’t want Jihoon to be annoyed, Jihoon thinks, so he nods fervently. He shifts on the bench, gestures for Jonghyun to sit.

“Jonghyun-hyung, I actually wanted to talk to you…”

Jonghyun huffs, maybe a bit sarcastically. “That’s new.”

“Jonghyun-hyung!” Jihoon pouts, which Jonghyun answers with a more exaggerated pout.

There’s an awkward period of silence that follows the action when Jonghyun realises what he did and he groaned. “Why do I always do that around you?”

“Hyung?”

Jonghyun shook his head, as if trying to shake off the matter at hand. “No it’s…” Jihoon tries to emulate Minki’s Look. He says slowly, tentatively looking at Jihoon as if trying to judge him, “It’s just… I feel like I know you.”

Jihoon’s heart almost stops.

“It’s like I keep seeing all the little details of your behaviour, and it feels...familiar. Like I’ve seen it a thousand times.” Jonghyun’s voice goes wistful at the end.

 _It’s because you have_ , Jihoon thinks, but he’s trying to stave off the edges of a panic attack. What happens when Jonghyun finds out? He doesn’t know because it has never happened before.

Would it change a thing?

He wants to try, wants to finish whatever cycle they’re stuck in, wants to make the stars align.

“Why do I know you?” Jonghyun asks, eyes wide and voice a whisper.

Jihoon feels something well up from within him, a wave of sudden _relief_. He feels the tears come, and Jonghyun panics. Jihoon wipes the tears that prick the edges of his vision.

“I can’t tell you,” He concedes, “you won’t believe me.” He’s breathless, and a bit crazed, but he identifies the feelings swirling in him to be suspiciously similar to happiness.

“I’ve heard crazy things from the rest.” Jonghyun says, raising an eyebrow.

“I can’t explain it well, it’s a very long story.”

Jonghyun sighs, glancing up at the clock. It’s close to bedtime. He looks disappointed. “Tell me tomorrow, whenever we can meet.” His eyes turn soft. “Go to sleep, you look like you’re going to fall over.”

He pushes Jihoon towards the dorm. “Hyung, what about you?”

He waved a hand, and walks to where Jihoon knows the practice rooms are. A part of him wants to follow, to chase the leader to bed. Another part knows him, knows his stubbornness.

He retires to bed, but sends a text to Minhyun.

  


_They meet at the riverbank, eyes crossing once before they fall in love. They loved each other so much, that they were torn apart, separated by the Milky Way. They would always be on separate sides, reaching out in their starlit forms, the rain the lovers’ tears. Once a year they meet, but has it ever been enough?_

  


And it ends the way it began, with Jihoon on the pyramid and Jonghyun not. BoA seemed to ignore the silence as she released the result, the shock permeating the air. Jonghyun smiled, but anyone could see the look in his eyes. Jihoon wants to stand, wants to run down, wants to let him break so that Jihoon can hold him together, but he can’t.

His legs don’t move.

He’s on autopilot, the smile on his face automatic. He doesn’t cry, doesn’t even feel a thing.

Because fate would always tear them apart, and they would always be on different sides.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah that last memory is Chilseok, or Tanabata, or Qixi, depending on where you are from. Basically in this universe, Jihoon (Jiknyeo) cries so much that the Heavenly King his (her) father puts them in a never ending cycle of meeting, but their punishment is that they're always separated in the end. This was actually a pretty big project, I took a whole day to write it, so I hope you like. I scattered the NU'EST members around the fic, just to show that while Jihoon also meets people he knows, Jonghyun is always that one constant. 
> 
> It's getting harder to write Jonghyun, so most likely I would stop writing Produce fics for a while, but well, another I'm actually planning for another big project, and it's a really, really, really rare pairing. Like, I don't actually know if the pairing's done before since they're usually shipped with other people. 
> 
> That will only be written in like December or next year though, but maybe i'll sprinkle some other works here and there. I want to write a W1 story, cos I have mixed feelings about how everyone's treating MH's term in W1 like it's some imprisonment thing, but well, let's see how that goes. Hope you enjoyed!


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